The past two weeks have come and gone as a blur. Even now as I sit and think over days past it seems impossible that so much has changed in such a short span of time. What now seems to be public knowledge has affected my family greatly. Leaving us all emotionally, mentally and physically drained. Today was the first time I actually sat down with a cup of tea and a friend and talked in depth about the extent of this situation, and now as I write I have time to process my thoughts on the whole matter.
The Lord gave me a song almost immediately last week. “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing”. Since then I’ve listened to that song probably a hundred times. I was having an odd time placing exactly what Jesus was trying to get through to me. Steven has a way of making me get outside my head. I tend to be logical in all aspects of life except when it comes to understanding God’s words to me. “I think it means exactly what it says.”
Come thou fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing thy grace
Streams of mercy never ceasing
Call for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet
Sung by flaming tongues above
I’ll praise the mount I’m fixed upon it
Mount of thy redeeming love
My heart is hurting. It would be easy for me to be angry, throw a fit, blame God for everything, be enraged about how my ‘world’ has been turned upside down. “Turn my heart to sing thy grace,” God wants me to understand his grace in this situation. He’s reminding me that love is simple. Being graceful and forgiving will turn so many more heads than anger. “melodious sonnet” Is it ignorant to admit that I’ve never known the definition of melodious? Pleasant. Sweet. In laymen’s terms I’ve just been sad. A sweet sonnet to fill my heart has come in the form of this song.
Here I raise my Ebenezer
Hither by thy help I come
And I hope by thy good pleasure
Safely to arrive at home
Jesus sought me when a stranger
Wondering from the fold of God
He, to rescue me from danger
Interposed His precious blood
Jesus came after me when I left him. He never left my side and I was never forsaken. I feel his comfort even when the moments of grief come. He rescues me every day. Deeply I understand the truth of that. We wake up every morning and we choose, “Will I serve my creator today?” or “Will I serve something/someone else?” Too often and so quickly we can lose that thought. It’s so easy for Satan to slip one small lie into our mind that we choose him for one day, then the next and the next. Until finally we see that we haven’t served our creator in so long that we no longer consider him a friend but a stranger. “interposed his precious blood” Stop. Imagine sacrificing yourself, someone torturing you and bleeding out for days so you can save your children. The thought brings me to tears. His blood is precious every drop spilt and every tear that was cried had meaning it had our names written inside of them. The ultimate sacrifice that can never be repaid and it is with that in mind I know I must remain firm in my God because no other can replace that love.
O to grace how great a debtor daily I’m constrained to be!
Let thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee
Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above
There is continuous mention in sermons, studies, devotionals about choosing the right path. The path to God can only be simplified through him. The world is constantly throwing us curve balls. The analogy is this, picture yourself in a maze, the maze tells you exactly which way to turn. Turn left. Turn right. But along that maze there are traps. You never know when they’ll come or how long it will take before you are finally released from that trap. After so many times of being in those traps we sense them coming so we wander from the path, jump over the walls, dig a hole underneath the maze and try to make it without continuing on the maze in fear of the snares before us. I believe God’s intentions are for us to be strong and confident enough in our directions that we will quickly maneuver the traps or avoid them all together to make finishing the maze as simple as can be.
Dissection of this song and the spiritual meaning it has to me aside, I make a point to remind us all that our words are so powerful. In the days and weeks and years to come think of your words before they are shared with others. There are conversations to be shared with a dear friend and there are short conversations to be had with the people you know do not have good intentions of using the information you have wisely. My prayer is for discernment, for all of us as those discussions come. My opinion now of sharing intimate thoughts and feelings of these past two weeks are with my close family and friends whom I know with encourage me to remain centered in Christ.
I’ve recently been doing a devotional called, “30 Days of Choosing Gratitude.” In the midst of all that I could be ungrateful for, today I have grateful for the meaning this song has on my heart. I can sing it now with passion and feeling instead of simple words.
Until I write again…